One of the things that we sometimes struggle with Henry about is the fact that he can get hung up on little things and just get stuck. Kind of like a record skipping. He’ll ask about it over and over again and be distracted from what’s going on right in front of him.
As an example, the other day I was walking with the kids to the park to go have some fun, and he started asking questions about what we were going to have for dinner. As a point of context, it was about 10:30 in the morning.
I told him we were planning to have pasta, and he started getting upset because he didn’t want pasta. I told him, “Look, it’s not even close to dinner time, so let’s not worry about it. We’re about to go to the park and have fun so let’s focus on that.”
We went a few rounds with this, and eventually he dropped the dinner thing, but not without a fight. While I know this type of thing wouldn’t necessarily be a giant deal for someone neurotypical like me, it is most assuredly a giant deal for Henry. I understand that, but I also don’t want him to miss the good stuff because his focus is somewhere else.
I think a lot about how to respect his perspective and how he processes things, and also help coach him to enjoy the moment and not get hung up worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet.
And then I think about myself, someone who has long suffered with anxiety, and I start to think, “wait a second…don’t I oftentimes miss the moment worrying about something that isn’t there?”
It occurred to me that Henry and I can both have trouble being in “The Now” and being truly present, even if the things that take us to that point are very different.
So I took that as a two-part lesson. For one, I should take a little of my own advice and try harder to be present and appreciate the moment instead of worrying about far-away potential problems (like pasta dinners). Secondly, this was a moment of recognition and understanding of how real these things are for Henry.
It can be difficult and yes, even annoying, when he gets caught up on what cartoon he is going to watch or what snack he is going to have hours from now, but an important part of helping him through it is recognizing how big it feels to him and not minimizing it.
So that is something to learn from and build from. I always want our kids to feel heard and understood. Even if, let’s be honest, the idea of looking upon a pasta dinner with anything other than excitement may be a bit hard to conjure. After we help him understand how to live in The Now, the next lesson may have to be pasta appreciation.
