Sunday was a beautiful day in Colorado. Cold, but the kind of cold where the sunshine actually makes it feel not nearly so bitter. We had gotten a light, fresh snow the night before and everything was looking bright and cheery.
While I was out shoveling the sidewalk, the kids played around in the snow. Amelia brought her sock monkey, Saki, to enjoy the snow too. Henry really enjoyed doing some shoveling like his old man.
But unlike me, he wasn’t so much trying to move it anywhere as he was just wanting to throw it in the air.
After that was done, the kids and I made a trip out to the Japanese bakery to pick up some breakfast goodies. While on the way, I had one of those rare moments of truly soaking in the here and now and appreciating all that’s good.
A little gratitude game I engage in sometimes is imagining if me from like 15 years ago could jump into this moment like Sam from Quantum Leap. It’s a way to look at the day-to-day things in my life through different eyes, and think about how much the me from a different era would process it. In that moment, he would have seen the beautiful view of the Rockies I see anytime I drive around. He also would have been impressed to be living in Colorado, and very amused by the two kids joking around in the backseat.
The version of me from 15 years ago was in a totally different place, physically, spiritually and emotionally, and could scarcely imagine the life I am living today. I am pretty sure that the daily worries and problems that tend to catch my focus now would seem pretty small to me of back then, when compared with the beautiful wife, family, home and life I have now.
Of course, if that me leaped in and enjoyed the beauty and tranquility of that ride, he also would have been saying “what the everloving hell?” when arriving to an empty parking lot seeing everyone wearing masks and COVID guideline signs at the door of the bakery.
It would seem like something out of a Twilight Zone episode, because let’s face it, it is. We’ve been living this reality for coming up on a year and have on some level normalized it, but it is hard to understate what a strange and challenging time we are living through.
So my emotional state went a little up and down on Sunday. I had moments truly basking in the good in my life, but then also truly feeling the weight and exhaustion of all our family and families everywhere have had to endure. The problems that me of all those years ago would dismiss as small are still real in the here and now, but I try to keep my focuse on the stuff he would think is awesome.
If me of all those years ago could see a few episodes of The Mandalorian, he would think we live in some kind of utopia and that present me should shut up and stop complaining.
But seriously, it did occur to me recently when I heard from a few readers about my commitment to positivity in this blog, it is true that I often use this space to reflect on the good and to express the gratitude I do have for all of that. But make no mistake, I can’t maintain the bright side all the time. I don’t want to present the image of someone who doesn’t get sad and anxious and worried and angry and a little crazy. I sure feel and am all those things and am not looking to hide it. You can be thankful and positive and still acknowledge that life is hard and sometimes things can suck.
I imagine anyone out there reading this has had those ups and downs, especially this year. We’re all hanging on for dear life and hoping for things to maybe start to get a little easier. I do find inspiration in my kids, because like us, they keep plugging along and doing their thing every day, even in this changed world.
For example, Amelia takes piano lessons and the reality of COVID has taken away the opportunity for an in person recital, so that has gone virtual, too. I recorded her playing her song. I’ve heard bits and pieces of her practicing, but I honestly hadn’t heard her play a song before. I won’t lie to you, it brought a few tears to my eyes.
And later, I was getting some things ready for dinner and Amelia came into the kitchen and asked how I was doing. We got to talking, and decided to share some pistachios and a drink together. She had her orange juice, I made a Wisconsin old fashioned, and we had a blast chomping pistachios, telling jokes and laughing together.
This was one of those little moments I’ll always remember as a super bright spot even on an up and down day in the middle of a rough year. Later on, Henry also got in on the joke-telling and they were both regaling me with knock knock jokes, some of which, I have to say, were pretty damn good.
And this gets to a big part of why I write this blog every day. For me, it’s to make sure I don’t forget these incredibly special moments, which stand out even brighter in the dark context of the world around us. I also write here to share with others in hopes that maybe they can maybe relate here or there and maybe even be inspired to write down some of the goofy things that happen in your day so you don’t forget either.
We’ll always remember 2020. For sure. We’ll remember a lot of weird, scary and bad stuff. But I think to remember it properly, we have to remember all the little beats underneath the dark clouds. The ones that got us through to the better days ahead.
